To Charming with Love...

Dear Charming, 

It's funny the odd details you remember about the exact moment your world is flipped on it's end. For example, the moment we ran outside to find that our Niles had been brutally attacked, I was wearing a teal t-shirt and pajama shorts with marshmallow peeps on them. The shirt, covered in the blood of our daughter and our beloved dog, was thrown away. The shorts have remained in a drawer untouched ever since that day. I remember a sleepless night before that, and a call from you that very morning. You were having chest pains and wanted to go to the hospital. If you were willing to go to the hospital, I knew it had to be bad. For hours, I watched you in a hospital bed, thinking how I couldn't bear to lose you... then we went home and our lives were turned upside down. I remember thinking that, up until that point, that was the worst day of my life... Had I only known...

Six months to the day later... 

I ran out to the driveway, Frasier under my arm, wearing a blue nightgown, to meet an officer who would deliver the news that would turn my world inside out and upside down. I didn't get my morning text message from you and I knew, instinctively, that something was wrong. You were in a serious accident and had been airlifted to Lakeland Regional Medical Center. Your status, he didn't know. Airlifted? That could only mean one thing. It was bad. 

Thirty-six hours prior to your accident, you and I sat hand-in-hand at Epcot. Smiling. Enjoying the alone time. Taking a picture that I feared would be our last. "Really? A selfie?" you had laughed when I snapped the picture. "There aren't enough pictures of just you and me," I said. "When they're older I want our kids to look back and say 'they were always so happy and so in love.' I want us to be their standard." You agreed. Things were good. You were studying photography. We were working on starting our own business. But most importantly, we had each other and things had never been sweeter between us. Our love, I always thought, was the stuff fairy tales were made of. It wasn't always easy, no relationship ever is. But we always weathered the storm holding on tightly to each other. You are my soul mate, literally my other half. To lose you now when we have our whole lives ahead of us? I couldn't bear the thought. No one in this world is going to love me the way you do. I could never love anyone else as deeply as I love you. Losing you was not an option. 

So the emotional roller coaster began... Cracked ribs, collapsed lung, orbital fracture, subdural hematomas, surgery, coma, ICP monitors, podus boots, cognitive scales, tracheostomy tubes, feeding stubes, lung infections, doctors and nurses. I watched and waited for signs you were in there.I learned more medical terminology than I cared to ever learn in this lifetime. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. For the first week, I don't think I left the hospital at all except to shower and get more clothes. I couldn't stand to leave you. I was so certain that if I left that you wouldn't be there when I got back. When I did finally spend a night at home with the kids, who desperately needed the reassurance of seeing one parent every now and then, I called the hospital hourly to check on you. The nursing staff in Trauma ICU knew me by name... and knew our life story. "This man has been my entire world since I was seventeen,"  I told them... "I can't lose him." 

Day six, they started to wean you off of sedation. Nothing. You responded very weakly to pain by moving your legs and arms. Still, you would not wake up. "Where do we stand now?" I asked the neurosurgeon. "Truthfully," he sighed, "I'm not optimistic." I fell apart. This wasn't happening... I will admit, I begged God to take me instead. My biggest fear became not only losing you, but that our kids would lose you to this terrible accident and then lose their mother to a broken heart. I couldn't breathe. Live without you? I couldn't bear it.

Day nine, another doctor still, tried to convince me you were in a vegetative state and would never come back to me. And even though I didn't believe him, I fell apart all over again. I refused to believe it was true. When I pinched you, you moved your legs. This was not characteristic of a vegetative state. "I've done my research," I calmly gathered every ounce of courage I could, "most comas don't last more than 2 to 4 weeks. Until we reach that point, I don't want to talk about any other option except for how we move forward." Dr. Benjamin was not amused to have his science questioned by the faith of a woman who knew her husband wouldn't want to leave her and would fight his way back to his family. 

It all  boils down to this, Charming... I know you. There's a reason why you and I identify so much with the Snow White/Prince Charming storyline on Once Upon a Time. You and I never give up hope... and we will always find each other. Medical science is nothing in the face of something that powerful. Prayers came in by the dozens. People I don't even know were praying for us. For your health, for my strength. It all boils down to us, though. There's no place that far... right? I've never known anyone with a relationship like ours. I know what we have wouldn't work for everyone... but I am constantly amazed and in awe of our love. Fourteen years, we had never slept apart before this... fourteen years, we still hold hands and giggle with each other like teenagers. I love what we have... I can't live without it. I know of no one who has a love like ours... I am blessed to have my best friend and my soul mate as my partner in this life. I am the luckiest woman in the world because I have your love. I knew you weren't ready for our journey to end... I believe in you, I always have... and I believed with all my heart that you were fighting to come back to me. I believed you weren't ready to leave me... I was in no shape to walk this life without you at my side. 

I love you

Snow